Dealing with divorce

Boy sitting

Nearly half of all children in the UK will see their parents divorce.

This can be a very disruptive time for children and have a direct effect on their learning. 

The constant contact teachers have with children and their families provides a unique perspective to observe the effects of divorce on a child and to minimize the accompanying stress. While you are a teacher, not a counsellor, the following information may help you to help your pupil.

The effect of divorce on a child

When parents decide to separate, a child can feel as if their world has been turned upside down. The level of upset the child feels can vary depending on how their parents separated, the age of the child, how much they understand, and the support they get from family and friends. 

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A child may feel a sense of loss, angry at one or both parents for the split-up, or guilty that they may have somehow contributed to the separation.
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A child may feel a sense of loss, angry at one or both parents for the split-up, or guilty that they may have somehow contributed to the separation. Most children long to get back to normal, and for their parents to be together again. 

Emotional and behavioural problems

Emotional and behavioural problems in children are more common when their parents are fighting or splitting up. This can make a child very insecure. 'Babyish' behaviour (e.g. bedwetting, 'clinginess', nightmares, worries or disobedience) may be caused by the separation. This behaviour often happens before or after visits to the parent who is living apart from the family. Teenagers may show their distress by misbehaving or withdrawing into themselves. They may find it difficult to concentrate at school.

What to do

• Maintain consistency and discipline
Don’t suddenly start letting the pupil get away with behaviour you would not normally tolerate. Consistency in expectations strengthens the pupil's sense of security. 
• Make the pupil feel competent
Focus on the pupils' competencies and successes. S/he may be more sensitive to criticism due to increased feelings of inadequacy. 
• Listen to the pupil's point of view
As the pupil's teacher, you may be the most compassionate listener at this point in his/her life. Create a non-judgmental, safe environment for him/her to get used to the new living arrangements.
• Keep both parents involved
Strive to engage both the father and mother in your pupil’s school life. If you can, send newsletters and notices to both parents. Separate meetings with each parent may prove helpful if they both want to discuss your pupil’s well-being and academic progress.

More help

  • The Children's Society produce a series of leaflets for children and parents. See Focus on families - Divorce and Its Effects on Children (1988). London: The Children's Society. Tel:0845 300 1128; e-mail info@the-childrens-society.org.uk
  • Parentline offers help and advice to parents on bringing up children and teenagers. Helpline 0808 800 2222; textphone 0800 783 6783.
    The Young Minds Parents' Information Service provides information and advice on child mental health issues. The address is 48-50 St John Street, Clerkenwell, London EC1M 4DG and the Parents' Information Service can be contacted on 0800 018 2138.
  • Young Minds produce a booklet for parents - Keeping in Touch: How to Help your Child after Separation and Divorce. 
      

Useful websites

Ready steady teach

Ready steady teach!

Your first teaching job marks an incredibly exciting time ahead but as well as excitement you may also feel apprehension.You certainly won't be alone in this. Knowing where to turn for help and advice before you start work will assist you to thrive, not just survive, in this all-important year. That’s why we’ve created this booklet for you. Not only does it include tips on things like parents’ evenings, writing reports or disciplining pupils, it also guides you through the various ways ATL can provide advice and support.

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