Relationships with parents

That first meeting with parents can be quite daunting. .

Remember though that both parents and teachers want the children to do well and so they should be working together, not against each other. 

If you let them see you are interested in their children and let the pupils see that you regard their parents as friends, then parents can become a tremendous source of support to you and of course the pupils benefit.

Always try to make yourself fairly accessible to parents, within reason. Never allow them to talk to you during lesson time, but if they have a problem and want to discuss it with you, make an appointment as soon as possible. Try to sort out problems as quickly as you can, because they often spill over into the classroom and prevent a child from progressing, and the more satisfactorily you handle difficulties, the greater will the parents’ support be in the future. 

Parents' consultation evenings
Whatever these are called in your school (sometimes 'open evenings', 'consultation evenings', or 'appointment evenings'), parents' evenings can be daunting even for experienced teachers. Yet they are a great opportunity to find out more about your pupils, and the following ideas should help you to get the most out of them.

• Make sure you don’t save up big issues for parents’ evenings; these should be dealt with as appropriate throughout the term.
• Have your marking up-to-date and attendance records and attainment levels to hand.
• If you are seeing a parent who is known to be difficult or aggressive, ask a colleague, possibly a member of the senior management team, to witness the consultation.
• Avoid using educational jargon as far as possible; it could be lost on your audience. Focus on the progress a child has made.
• Observe experienced colleagues talking to parents if you get the chance. 

These are a useful opportunity to try to establish a positive relationship, inform parents of their child's progress and answer their queries. 

Preparing for the evening

• Talk to the previous year's form teacher to find out if any parents are likely to be difficult and in what way.
• Read the school's Home and school policy to refresh your memory. You may need to refer to it.
• Make notes on anything you want to discuss with individuals.
• Make sure the classroom is tidy. An untidy room give a poor impression. 
• Parents love to look at their children’s work so ask each child to have their books out in individual piles with a name label, on chairs outside the classroom if possible.
• Try to have the books marked up to the previous day's date at the latest.
• If the meetings begin soon after the pupils leave, always make sure you have at least a short break for a drink and take a glass of water into the classroom with you.     

The interviews
Be friendly but professional.

• If it is your first time and you are nervous, try to get a support teacher to sit in the interviews with any parents who might be awkward.
• Try to stick to the timetable. Make sure you can see a watch or clock. If a parent comes late, don't let them over-run because it annoys the next parents on the list. If a parent comes very late, don’t let them push in, because it antagonises the parents who have come on time. Offer them another date. If you do over-run, apologize to the parent whom you have kept waiting.
• When parents come in, stand up to welcome them with a smile and shake hands. Likewise when they go, thank them for coming and for any help or support they have offered.
• If they are known to be aggressive, take up a formal position behind your desk. Otherwise sit facing them in the body of the classroom, on a chair the same height as theirs. 
• Only have one set of parents in the room at a time. Privacy is important.
• Make notes of any issues to be followed up as you go along.     

The vast majority of  parents approach consultation evenings in a spirit of goodwill, but a small minority view it as an opportunity to air their grievances or try to catch the teacher out. 

Parents ask a wide variety of questions. If you mentally prepare answers to these, it will help you to feel more confident.

Questions parents ask

• What are my child’s strengths and weaknesses?
• How do you judge progress?
• Will my child be held back by less able pupils?
• My child is bright, how can you make sure he is being stretched?
• My child has learning difficulties. How do you ensure s/he is properly supported?
• How do you keep the children under control? 
• Why do you give so much/so little homework?
• My child says you are constantly blaming him for everything that goes wrong in the class. Why do you do it?
• Other children keep taking my child's belongings. What are you going to do about it?
  

Don’t feel too bad if you do have cross words with them, occasionally. I have never known a teacher who had a positive relationship with every parent.

Suggested further reading
Bennett, H. (2005) The ultimate teachers’ handbook. Continuum: London
Cowley, S. (2003) How to survive your first year in teaching. Continuum: London

The above advice was provided for ATL by teaching specialist Hazel Bennett, author of The ultimate teachers' handbook. Hazel can be emailed at hazel@hazelbennett.co.uk.

Help and support

 For further advice on this issue, ATL members can speak to their school rep, their branch secretary or their regional official. They can also call the London (020 7930 6441), Cardiff (029 2046 5000) or Belfast office (02890 327 990) or email info@atl.org.uk.

For out of hours enquiries, call the out of office hours helpline on 020 7782 1612 (Monday-Friday, 5-8pm during term time).

If you are not a member, join now.

Further information

• Problem parents